Choosing My Path: Art or Philosophy?
Back in 2012, I had to decide what to do after graduating from high school. The choice was entirely mine, my parents just told me to do something that made me happy, a core value in how my brother and I were raised. I kept going back and forth between applying to art school or pursuing my more theoretical, analytical side by studying Philosophy at Erasmus University Rotterdam. Unable to make a decision, I found myself on the verge of a gap year with no clear plan. I think I entered a bit of a freeze mode.
Then, just a week before the registration deadline, I spoke to one of my brother's friends who was studying Philosophy. He told me what to expect, and that conversation gave me the push I needed. I decided to enroll, just to see where it would take me. Within the first two weeks, I was hooked. It was refreshing, challenging, and exciting. Maybe because it was my own choice or maybe because Philosophy felt like it existed especially for people like me.
Finding My Place in Philosophy
By ‘people like me,’ I mean those who spend most of their time inside their own heads. Who believe they don’t need to actively participate in the world to experience it because the most interesting things happen in their minds. At some point, I wondered if my brain worked differently than others’, but now here I was, in a faculty surrounded by the same type of brains. Weird brains. But in a good way.
I was encouraged to explore every corner of my mind, to ask more questions, and, just as importantly, to learn how to listen and truly understand what others were saying. Not so I could craft the perfect comeback and win any argument, but to grasp what their words actually implied.
In questions about truth, knowledge, certainty and uncertainty, storytelling, human existence - we learned about language, about communication and about argumentation. We thought endlessly about thinking. It was amazing.
Even now, I’m still so grateful to myself for enrolling at the last minute and finding a study path that felt like a 100% match.
The Challenge After Graduation - Adult Life
But then I graduated, and student life was over. I was lucky to find a job at the same faculty where I studied, which gave me insight into the behind-the-scenes of academia and education. But I also realized that my studies hadn’t prepared me for one major challenge: I didn’t know how to get out of my own head anymore! I wasn’t just thinking, I was thinking about how I was thinking and then about how I was thinking that too.
Exhausting, right? While studying, I had clear milestones: moving from text to text, course to course, exam to exam. My mind was calm because it could focus on the next step. But when that structure disappeared and work life began, adult life, so to speak, my brain went into overdrive. Suddenly, every thinking skill I had was running at full speed, and I forgot how to navigate my own thoughts, worrying about everything, anything and anyone.
And as I get older, it only intensifies. More time passes, more things happen, and with age comes the inevitable mix of good and bad experiences. I catch myself living in the past, replaying memories, trying to hold onto every detail so time doesn’t feel wasted.
If you’re reading this and thinking, Okay, that sounds a bit problematic, Lena, I’d agree with you! But at the same time, I’m grateful for this brain of mine. The same brain that sometimes traps me in overthinking is also the one that makes me good at my job, deeply values my relationships, and comes up with the most hilarious jokes (ahum) as fast as lightning (ahum ahum). But when my mind turns against me, when it uses all its tricks on me instead of for me, how do I stop myself from drowning in it?
Overthinking and Creativity
What helps me snap out of overthinking mode? Out of that need to control, analyze, and dissect every little thing that has ever happened to me? Or everything people said to me years ago that I can still recall vividly?
Well... You’re on my website, so I guess you already know. ;)
It is creating. I’ve found that the battle between overthinking and art always has one clear winner.
The ‘zone’ or ‘flow’ that artists talk about, that creative state, is my way out. It’s sometimes similar to meditation. You’re fully present, watching thoughts pass by as you paint your way through them. You don’t push them away. You don’t judge them. You let them exist, acknowledge them, and, eventually, let them go. Whatever happens, happens. On the canvas, but also within yourself.
Life Lessons from the Creative Process
The creative process holds so many lessons that help me cope with life’s unpredictability. Things you can’t control will happen, and the only thing that truly defines you is how you respond. Do you give up? Or do you believe there is a way things could work and trust that you will find it as long as you keep searching?
Just some of the skills I’ve learned from the creative flow that help me navigate my own mind again:
- Take a step back to see the bigger picture.
- Sometimes it's better to leave it and to return with fresh eyes the next day.
- You won’t know what something will look and feel like unless you try it.
- Don’t judge yourself when experimenting and trying new things.
- You are allowed to make mistakes.
- You are fully capable of deciding if you think something is beautiful or not.
- Stay curious.
Finding the Balance: Intellect and Creativity
That last one, especially, circles back to the core of my philosophy studies: without curiosity, you won’t ask questions. And without asking questions, you’ll never learn beyond what you already know. There’s so much freedom in a blank page that it can be intimidating, but sometimes, all you need is that first step, the first brushstroke, to keep moving forward.
Studying philosophy taught me how to think critically, while painting became my tool to quiet overthinking and stop my mind when it goes into overdrive, a balance between creativity and logic. A balance I’m grateful to have found.
