Note: This post contains personal reflections on illness and grief. Please read gently.
Let’s start this blogpost by emphasizing how I am not an expert when it comes to a balanced life. I often mess up: I give too much of myself away at one part in my week and the other days I need to suffer for it. I plan too much on my weekends and sometimes end up cancelling all of it. I used to be the kind of person who said yes to a lot of things, including all the things I actually didn’t want to do. There were moments I found myself sitting in rooms with people I felt obligated to like, for all the “right” reasons. Moments where I wanted to scream.
But instead I nodded, played the games and laughed along while silently waiting to go home again.
That sounds a bit sad, right? I know, maybe it was. I’m so glad I’ve found a way to break free from that version of myself.
Setting Boundaries to Protect My Energy
These days, I live my life in a way that works for me: I plan only what truly matters: my art practice, my day job and the things I deeply want to do with people I deeply care about - like festivals, trips or weekends away. Beyond that, I don’t say yes to anything anymore. I tell people I will ‘let them know’ if I can make it.
That might sound selfish and you probably think I have no friends left, but the opposite is true. The thing is, they all know where I am at and that I need to decide in the specific week or before the event if I’m up for it or not. And if this stirs something in you, I’d gently suggest you pause reading and ask yourself why.
Learning to Say No Without Guilt
Because I sure hated it when people couldn’t commit to anything, what do you mean ‘you don’t know yet if you want to come?’. That just sounded like a lame excuse people would use who were afraid to say no (yes I could be persistent in my twenties). Well, some shipped friendships, relationships, heartaches, goodbyes and moments of reflection later: I realized I was judging these people so strongly because I envied them. I understand now.
It has nothing to do with if I love my friends and family and if I want to spend time with them or not. Because I do, I enjoy my life with them. But sometimes I want to send my energy elsewhere: into myself, my boyfriend, my art practice, my colleagues, my deadlines, my cooking skills, my love for music, my xbox skills. I’m learning that there is no hierarchy in those things. They all matter when your goal is to find balance.
Life Balance Doesn’t Mean Doing It All
So I am afraid this blogpost is not going to give you this neat, monthly schedule with colours and sticky notes (which I also love) to help you stay on top of EVERYTHING. Because to be honest: that’s impossible. There are waves in life, seasons that demand more of you in one area than another. There will be years where you need to focus on your family more than on your friends and more on your job than on your xbox skills (which sucks, because my Viva Pinata Xbox garden was really thriving this time).
It took me so long to realize that balance isn’t about equal distribution of áll the things you want to do. It’s about staying connected to yourself, your needs and the rhythms of your life. It’s the routines and habits you keep running in the background that help you navigate the tide.
Coping with Family Illness While Maintaining Balance
In November 2023, my dad got sick. Seriously sick. From one day to the next, my dad’s legs stopped working. A day later, we found out there was cancer in his back, pressing on his nerves, damaging his spinal cord. It took months before we knew he had Kahler disease. We entered a rollercoaster and up until this day, 1.5 years later, we are still on that ride and we literally take it day by day.
This wave and chapter in my life asked me, demanded me, to focus on my family, my parents, my big brother, on our memories, our values and on being able to be present. But in order to do that fully, I had to keep my own balance and make sure I still had my own life going - even if it was just for 10%. Without guilt, without blame or resentment and without taking my frustration out on the world. And that last part is only possible for me to maintain because of my creativity. Without it I’m sure I would be a ticking time bomb.
Finding Joy again after Grief
After a giant life wave like illness or grief, there comes this strange moment where you start to get used to the tide. It feels absurd to live your life while you’re also in survival mode. But at some point you will find yourself thinking ‘I’m feeling pretty good today’. And you will go ride the metro, head to your studio and paint for five hours straight.
You will sing along with the songs you like, you will cry to the ones now suddenly hitting home: you will still be and feel alive. I know that sounds dramatic, trust me, but I believe life is quite emotional. I’m nostalgic by nature. I look back often, I dwell, I overanalyze. It’s easy for me to get stuck in memory.
My head is always trying to make me escape the present and before I know it, another year goes by where I have been only thinking about things. My art practice saves me from being an observer only and makes me do and feel all of it. It pulls me straight into the heart of what it is to be human: creating your life and paving your own path. All while staying sane. It’s in that act of creation that I keep finding my balance and my peace.
If you’re also trying to live while surviving, know this: the act of creating your life is already enough. You’re doing it as you read this.
